I came across an interesting article. The all-too-generic headline, "Calcium Linked to Longer Life" is essentially the "Consumable of Some Sort Linked to Longer/Shorter Life" article du jour. In this case, my attention was suckered by the deck (that stuff under the headline designed to drag you into the rest of the article):
People who get the most calcium in their diet reduce their risk of death by 25 percent, according to new research on calcium and health.Wha? Huh? Really? Bring it on! I clicked through to the article. It gets better. The editors provide immediately accessible advice under a nice little "what you can do" heading:
"Boost your calcium intake by eating healthy food sources like low-fat dairy, spinach, kale…and pudding!"Pudding may be the secret to everlasting life! Or it could be kale. But... It could be pudding! I wonder:
- Is butterscotch pudding more or less effective than chocolate pudding?
- Is there a true hierarchy based on flavors? Brands?
- IS BILL COSBY IMMORTAL?
- Does adding bananas to pudding enhance or diminish the health benefits?
- Can you make kale pudding?
Someone please explain why are we not dancing in the streets, stopping traffic, and plastering the screens of CNN, CBS, BBC, NBC, and anyone but Fox News with this? Where is Geraldo Rivera uncovering the long covered-up coverup? Hell, where is Oprah? Or that guy who always has very scary, extremely pale toothless people fighting in their way-too-small-and-even-tackier underwear? (I'm rather proud of myself that I can't remember his name, nor do I have any urge to Google it in the name of journalistic research.)
(And another note -- anyone else think they're marketing pudding to single women? Smooth, rich, and available?)