Departure of a Lizard

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Sometimes you're faced with situations that, well, it's likely no one you know will ever have to face themselves. And sometimes those things are life-changing. And other times they're just freakin' weird.

Case in point: Walked into my back yard Saturday afternoon and found a four-foot lizard. An iguana named Iggy, to be more precise. Unfortunately, Iggy was deceased. And unfortunately, I had to figure out what to do with Iggy before @ also discovered this little bit of Wild Kingdom (brought to you by Mutual of Omaha) in the back yard. Where's that safari jacket when I need it?

After the WTF moment passed, I removed said reptile from the lawn and fairly nicely packaged it for the neighbor so that, when she returned from her latest experimentation with mind-altering chemicals, she could bond with her green friend before disposing of it.

I considered a few alternatives, including leaving it on the hood of her car, but realized that the car has actually been missing for a week or so. And the porch wasn't an option because it's really not in her 87-year-old grandmother's best interest to discover a lizard carcass on the porch (although, obviously, the thought crossed my mind). Tweaker girl thoughtfully buried the thing pretty much on the property line under my bedroom window. Fabulous.

It escapes me how someone -- chemically "enhanced" or not -- thinks iguanas should have the same free-range status as chickens in Petaluma. And then how that person is surprised that the week-long AWOL iguana is deceased after entering a yard with two eighty-pound dogs (who, to their credit, did not maul it, but definitely had a foreleg in its departure from this realm).

Add it to my list of weird skills: chocolate souffle creation, chainsaw operation, baseboard installation, and now, lizard disposal(ation).

Comments

zipcecetay said…
Man, I do love to hear these stories...makes my own drama seem like nothing!
January 07, 2008
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