The Club

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I belong to a very exclusive club. It's club no one ever wants to join. I'm part of an an online group for parents who have lost infants.

I met a woman named Lisa through e-mail yesterday. She recently had preemie twins and her beautiful little girl passed away. I wrote this right before @ and N's second birthday.

For Nobie

In my mind, you are six years old
Though if you were here, you would be only two
I see you every day in my heart
You are in a meadow, at a fence
And you are happy
And you are beautiful

I probably picture you as six
Because I think you would be safe
That you would be happy
That you would be past the pain
And you would understand
That we are not with you, but you are part of us

I imagine that my uncle guides you
He shows you how to watch us
And answers your every question
Though there is no one to answer mine
He teaches you and shows you how to find us
To watch us, to know us from afar

You are connected
To everyone I’ve loved
And you are connected, to me

I can’t call it heaven
Because I don’t know what heaven is
But I know you are safe and loved
And never alone
—October 2005

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